TELLING YOUR CRUSH ABOUT THE CRUSH

WHAT’S REALLY WRONG WITH TELLING YOUR CRUSH ABOUT THE CRUSH?

After reading an article I had published on another website, one lady in Ghana texted me on whatsapp and wanted to know more about why I said in that article that it wasn’t wise to tell your crush about the crush. Just like her, many people argue with me when I make that statement and each time I ask them why they would tell their crush about the crush, I usually get one of these two answers: I want to know if the person likes me too or I want to express how I feel and be free. Well, the problem with the former is that, when you find out that the person likes you too, then what? Date the person? Well, then why not propose to the person instead? And why would you propose to the person when you are not ready to get married in the near future?

The problem with the latter too is that you actually lose your freedom after you tell the person. How? Because you risk having a good relationship with the person especially if the person doesn’t like you too. And if the person likes you too, you’re likely to be sexually immoral or start a premature romantic relationship. And that too usually leads to severing of the relationship. Is that what you call freedom? And what’s more? I believe telling the person is a selfish decision and therefore not an act of love, for love is not self seeking (1 Cor 13:5) especially when you know for sure that you and/ or the other person are not ready to start a romantic relationship leading to marriage.

I used to be a missionary in Rwanda. One day, I gave a talk on relationship and dating at a meeting. After the talk, I approached one of the participants and asked him how he found my message as I usually do. In his response, he said, ‘well, the talk has really helped me. Actually just a few hours ago I had a chat with my crush and told her about my feelings for her. After discussing for a while, she revealed that she was not interested in entering any romantic relationship and I felt really hurt and bad. And coincidentally that’s what you talked about today. I have learnt how to do things right and I feel much better now.’ (paraphrase). I am pretty sure his relationship with that lady will not be the same again. Oh! If only he knew!

Another reason why it’s not worth telling your crush about the crush is that throughout scripture it is clear that when it comes to our emotional lives and connection with people of the opposite sex, God is interested in marriage and nothing else. Check out what Paul had to say to the church in Corinth when he was advising them on sexual purity:

I am pretty sure sexual immorality was on the rise because many people were crushing and they did not know how exactly to manage those strong emotions. You realize that Paul did not even talk about boyfriend or fiancée or beloved (or however you call it); instead, he directly talked about marriage. Why? Because marriage is actually the right and only place God has designed for man to fully enjoy sex and all that comes with it. This actually reveals that crushes are tiny matters. They are not big deals as we sometimes make them seem. It also means that if you decide to tell your crush about the crush, the question you really need to ask yourself is whether you are ready to get married to the person because that’s what God is interested in. If not, then why tell the person? After all, crushes are ephemeral and therefore will not last forever. I can only imagine how many people you will tell and how many relationships you will ruin if you decide to tell everyone you crush on about the crush. As I conclude always remember that a crush is a personal problem just like headache is a personal problem and you must deal with it on that personal level. God bless you!