ABSTAIN... BUT USE CONDOM

ABSTAIN... BUT USE CONDOM

It was a sunny day and I happen to find myself in a secondary school that afternoon. Apparently the patron of the debaters’ club had organized a debate to be done by some student debaters for the witnessing of the entire student body. The ages of the students ranged from 12 to 21, with the mean age being approximately 16. The motion: government should invest in and distribute condoms in schools. Although I wondered why that motion was chosen and wasn’t quite comfortable with it, I decided to witness and I actually stayed through. And oh, I did enjoy it. At the end of the debate, the opposition won, but my focus here is not about who won as much as it is about the fact that such an idea was being considered. And that was the spark I needed, or probably what God allowed me to experience so I could write this article.

I am not oblivious about the fact that more complicated and shocking issues are being debated on these days (for example should gay marriages be allowed?). My knowledge of them is actually why I am writing this article, so as to remind us of the omnipotence, omniscience and wisdom of God.

FOOD VS SEX

Is food a basic need? “Yes”, I know will be the unanimous answer of everyone on earth. Is sex a basic need? “Yes” or “No”, I know will not be the unanimous answer of everyone on earth. Personally, I don’t see how important a subject this is to merit a discussion, especially because Jesus, in teaching us to seek God above anything else, clearly mentioned the basic needs of life.

If sex is a basic need, Jesus surely would have added, or whom you shall have sex with…but us we all know, he didn’t. Even food, a basic need, can be done away with for a period of time. How much more sex! I had never really fasted before until in 2010 when I attended my first Christian youth camp. Although I thought I couldn’t survive it, I found myself skipping breakfast and lunch for 3 consecutive days and it actually felt normal. I will tell you why I think I was able to do that soon. I believe that abstinence (until marriage) is THE way and not A way. Actually telling me to fast till supper and at the same time putting breakfast before me is the quintessence of telling me to abstain and at the same time giving me a condom. Although it is possible to fast, it becomes almost impossible when food is served during the fasting period. In the same way, although abstinence is possible, it becomes almost impossible (first mentally, then physically) once condoms are made available.

THE WISDOM OF GOD

Please bear in mind that my stance on this issue does not mean I am underrating the power of the sexual drive. Not at all! Actually my confidence in this stance comes from what God has said and not what I think, feel or know. Like John Piper once said, our notions are finite, and distorted by sin and culture. We must continually refine them by what the bible teaches. This I agree theologically, and can confirm practically. So the question is, what does scripture say about sex and the sexual drive?

It is clear that if God was asked to comment on the ABC method (which man invented) of managing our sex lives, he will not go beyond ‘A’. Romans 3:4 says that….

So if God is true and we are liars, then His ways - which are higher and better than ours (Isaiah 55:8-9) - are the right ways. So instead of looking for “B, C, D, E etc” in dealing with this issue, I think we should look for ways of implementing the ‘A’, the only way, bearing in mind that God’s grace is sufficient for the application of His wisdom. Now using the reasons why I think I was able to fast at the camp, I will tell you some of the practical ways we can abstain until marriage.

1. 1. Mindset:

   The first thing that I believe made it possible for me to fast was the “it is possible” admonishment I received especially at the beginning of the fast. Once I had convinced myself that I could fast, the actual fasting was not as difficult as I thought it would be. No wonder Proverbs 23:7 makes it clear that a man is made by his thoughts. In fact, you are doing what you are doing right now because you believe you can. You are reading this article because of a particular thought that is driving you. In the same way, once you believe that abstinence is possible BECAUSE GOD SAID SO, you will be amazed at the grace you will suddenly receive to realize the possibility.



2. 2. No exposure of food:

   One thing was clear; fasting at camp meant fasting at camp. And when it was time to eat too, we really ate. My point is that I was not exposed to food until it was time to break the fast. In the same way I think one sure way to abstain is to prevent any form of exposure to sexually stimulating content, especially when it’s in your power to act. No wonder 1 Corinthians 6:18 and 2 Timothy 2:22 instructs us to FLEE…



3. 3. Modeling:

   I have heard of and met quite a number of people who take delight in giving instructions but failing to practice those instructions themselves. Now, that is recipe for disaster. At camp, I noticed that the leaders fasted too, practically getting involved in every single activity at the camp. That made it so easy for me to fast. In the same way, I believe that you can make abstinence easier for others (especially those who look up to you) when you choose to abstain too. They will say, “if brother Alex can and is doing it, then I can do that too”. Check out how Jesus modeled service in John 13:1-15.



4. 4. Accountability:

   Another reason I was able to fast was because, apart from my leaders, I realized that my fellows fasted too. That was so encouraging because I had the tendency to think that my leaders were more “spiritual and experienced” than I was, and that thought could have made me compromise. Nonetheless, I received encouragement when I found my colleagues fasting too. In the same way, forming great accountability relationships especially with people of the same sex can empower us to abstain to a large extent. I cannot imagine how my life in the university would have been without some of these accountability relationships. No wonder the bible says that two are better than one (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10).



5. 5. Exposure to God’s word:

   Apart from not being exposed to food, I was exposed to God’s word throughout the period of the fast. That empowered me spiritually and gave me something to think about, leaving very little room to think about the potential hunger I could have felt. In the same way, apart from non-exposure to sexual content, you have to intentionally and consciously expose yourself to godly information that will stir you up with desires which will not make you easily prone to falling to sexual temptation. Bear in mind that no information is innocent, for every information (through your senses especially your eyes and ears) you receive will stir up a desire and that desire will cause you to act in certain ways.

As I conclude, I believe strongly that the ABC… message is not the way to go because it defies God’s wisdom. Abstinence is the only way and it is possible. I choose to abstain. How about you?