The Purpose of Dating

WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF DATING?

I believe that in any endeavor, timing and purpose are inseparable. They go hand in hand. In the same way, I think that knowing the purpose for dating should be as important as knowing the right time to date. Dr Myles Munroe once said that it is better to be dead and not know life than to be alive and not know why. Similarly, I think that it is better not to date at all than to date and not know why. That’s why it is so important to know the purpose of dating. I am well aware that the term dating means differently for different people and is to an extent influenced by one’s culture as well. As a result, I want to be clear on what I mean when I use this term. In an attempt to do so I will not agree less with Joshua Harris, when he wrote in his book, boy meets girl that:

Throughout this article, I will be using the term dating to mostly mean the season of one’s life where he/she is pursuing a marriage-driven romantic relationship with someone of the opposite sex.

Many young people today are entangled in very intimate relationships with persons of the opposite sex. Because I work with young people – especially teenagers – I have the privilege of interacting with many young people, sharing with and learning from them. It will surprise you to know that many young people who have such relationships with the opposite sex (and claim they are dating) don’t even know why they are doing that. Actually over 95% of all the young people I have interacted with in such dating relationships do not even have marriage in mind. Pastor KK Baidoo, my mentor and spiritual father and the founder of Teens Aloud Foundation, in his work as a pastor and youth development consultant discovered 6 reasons why many young people rush into romantic relationships and they are as follows:

• • Youthful lust: A desire that causes them to want to pursue intimate relationships which is stirred up by the kind of information they keep consuming.
• • Peer pressure: Dating because their friends and colleagues are also dating.
• • Fear of losing the best to someone: The assumption that they have met the best suitor and waiting for some time is tantamount to losing the person eventually.
• • Need to prove a point: A desire to want to compete with others to satisfy one’s pride.
• • Ill inspired adventure: For fun, fun and fun.
• • Love vacuum: The unsatisfied legitimate desire to be loved and to love.

No matter how convincing all or any of the above reasons may seem to you, I don’t think that any of the above is a good basis to start dating. Why? Because they have very weak foundations and therefore any relationship inspired by any of the above will not last. I always say that, for the Christian, dating must be Christ-centred and a Christ-centred dating goes with marriage. To conceive dating and not conceive marriage as well is to think about bathing and not think about water. The purpose of dating therefore, is to pursue a relationship with someone of the opposite sex, giving yourselves an amount of time enough to make a final decision to or not to marry. This means that dating is not necessarily successful simply because it ended in marriage. No wonder many marriages end in divorce today. They do because they were supposed to have ended earlier (before marriage) and since they did not, they had to end in marriage. I can compare the purpose of dating as described here to when I entered the University of Ghana in 2010. I offered Bachelor of Arts with combinations of Study of Religion, Adult Education and Psychology. The system at the time allowed me to explore these three courses for the first year and then drop one of them afterward. Although I initially thought I would drop Adult Education (I had a misconception about it because of the course name), I ended up dropping Study of Religions (which I thought I would never drop because of my love for ministry). In fact, I eventually majored in Adult Education and minored in psychology in my final year. There are three things I can extrapolate from this experience and connect to dating.

1. 1. I was given time to really explore each of them before making a decision concerning which ones I wanted to continue with, without which I would have made some mistakes for obvious reasons. In the same way, dating is supposed to give you time to check a little bit more and confirm if you really would love to spend the rest of your life with that person.
2. 2. Although that system of dropping courses after first year had always been there, I was never given the opportunity to do so until I was qualified enough to be admitted as a student in the university. I am very sure I would have been informed differently (and most likely wrongly) if I was given that opportunity earlier (say in high school). In the same way, there is a right (or an appropriate) time to start dating. Starting earlier will make it a pre-mature decision and will definitely cause you to make some hasty and wrong decisions.
3. 3. Although to various degrees, I had an interest in all three courses before I explored them in my first year. In the same way, it is ideal to date someone you are convinced to an extent can be a potential life time partner to you. This does not mean, however, that you are supposed to date multiple persons at the same time in order to make a choice after exploring each of them. That’s not godly. Besides, you are not likely to make the right choice since you’ll have divided attention. However, before you settle on anyone to date, it’s advisable to have a number of friends of the opposite sex from which you can choose. I also think that you need to have a clear idea of what you are looking for in a spouse before you start dating. Having that clearly defined will increase the probability that you will make the right choice. In that case, even though you will not be a 100% sure that you have met the right person when you meet someone who seems to fit your expectations, you will be a 100% sure if you meet the wrong person.

Whether you are single or dating, it is my prayer that this article helps you to make some decisions that will positively impact you for the rest of your life. God richly bless you!